Tough Cookies Crumble Too

I am one of those tough cookies who rarely falls apart. I pride myself at being the last soldier standing. You know the expression "when the going gets tough the tough get going". That was the motto I lived by. I usually didn't even get going, till the going got tough. Now, I have to admit that I just had a few very scary days. My stomach had been bothering me for several weeks and had gotten bad enough that I was contemplating having to call my oncologist. It felt like my stomach was being eaten up from the inside out. I don't know what brought it on but I was just looking for relief. Even though I've read all the stuff on heat and electrical appliances and cancer, I finally broke down and turned to my trusty old heating pad. After two days, I finally got some relief. Today I felt human again. Again, I am thankful for the little things. I felt so good I went outside and started raking the last of the clipping that needed to be picked up. It seemed like I could almost immediately feel my stomach starting up again. I wonder if all the raking is what caused it? I know the vacuum is something they told me not to use while in treatment. I guess that type of activity is more extreme than many other types of activity. This may not have had anything to do with it of course....always looking for answers.

I think maybe the wheatgrass has finally kicked in. I didn't just feel better today but I had an energy that I haven't felt in a long, long time. I wasn't just pushing myself to get up and get going. I actually had the feeling like I couldn't wait to get going. This is something we are wired with and don't even know it until you lose it. It's like a built in time clock that says it's time to get moving or get started and one day it's gone and you can't figure out what happened. You know something is missing and you're constantly trying to talk yourself into movement but your body doesn't want to cooperate. Whether it's energy, get up and go, gumption or shear willpower we take it for granted and don't even realize we had it till it's gone (like so many things in life). Today I got my wheatgrass growing kit in the mail. If the powder did this I can't wait to see what happens when I start on the fresh stuff. Look out me....here I come!

Click here to learn more about wheatgrass. I also happened upon this fun and informative post by DesignMom.com.

Blessings

Picture This....

To go where no man has gone before....okay, it's just little olde me who hasn't gone there before. Not a big deal for those of you who are computer savvy, but for me this was a big step for mankind....okay, a big step for me! I have been saving photos on my computer now for several years. They have just sat there, warm and cozy. Today I finally decided to be adventurous and share some of these photos. I have sent some via email and I have copied some on CDs. Can you believe I'm so excited? It really doesn't take alot to make me happy!
Blessings

Happiness and Health

Okay, I know that no one appreciates a grandmother who goes on and on about the grandchildren but......being a big part of my life it is hard to not write about what I'm doing and not include lots of kiddie info. Tonight was Serenity's exhibit at the museum. Yes, there was artwork from kids from all the schools. There were probably 40 other pieces from her school. The fact that something she did was chosen was a really big deal for her and so it should be. All positive reinforcement is good for every living species and I think it's even more important for children. This starts them off on the right foot in life. Seeing her happy and joyful in life helps grandma's attitude and well being. Her happiness and joy just fill my heart. How can I not be happy and feel blessed?

Picaso-Here She Comes

By now you know that Miss Serenity loves to draw and write. Each year the school displays the children's artwork at the mall in Kearney. Serenity had two pieces displayed. Two other pieces of her artwork were chosen for a display at the local museum. From Tuesday through Sunday the Museum of Natural Art (MONA) in Kearney will have a display of children's work. I guess this is Serenity's first "showing".

I also just received a text from Jessica-Serenity has her first loose tooth. Tooth Fairy on call.
Blessings

Spring Clean-up

In the midst of sorting and cleaning the "stuff" in my house, I decided I better get some "spring cleaning" done in my yard. This was the cause of the last eye issue. Anyway, I've been busy pulling weeds, trimming hedges and bushes and raking. It's a stop and start project as I don't seem to have the energy I use to. I have always enjoyed working in the yard. You wouldn't know that by looking at my yard. This time last year I was starting chemo so the yard was neglected all year. I bet my neighbors are glad that I'm feeling better. I hope to be planting flowers in my flower pots before long. The spring weather is so wonderful. It would be hard to not feel good when the sun is shining and it's so nice outside.

I just heard this somewhere (can't remember where) and really liked this comment:
"At the end of the day, you learn who cares about you and what you care about."
It might have come from Joel Osteen's sunday program. Anyway, it really it hit home.
Blessings

Par-Tay!

Today was Serenity's 6th birthday party. It was her first real "kids" party and she got to have it at the Big Apple. They have a room called Ballocity and it's three tiers of climbing and sliding. I think she had a great time and her 5 little guests did also. Jessica made her a beautiful (professional looking) Scooby Doo cake. Scooby Doo was the theme. Serenity loves mysteries and Scooby. Grandma made her two summer dresses (one Scooby Doo) and a little purse. She got lots of wonderful gifts. Her Aunt Tonya and cousins Cindy and Jenifer all remembered her. Her first deed of the day was to pack away her new seashells for her collection. Thank goodness my kids are all grown. I was tired before we even got to the party location. We all had a great time but I'm glad it only happens once a year.

Only Half Blind

Okay, what's up with this? I had to go to the doctor yesterday for my left eye. Exactly one week after going in for my right eye. I hope I'm not becoming a hypochondriac. The doctor actually found a tiny sliver in my eye and it had scratched the cornea. Now I'm wearing an eye patch. I can't believe how much having one eye covered affects your sight. It's really weird.

Today is Serenity's sixth birthday. I have been working on finishing her outfit for her birthday party on Saturday. I'm finding it a little difficult trying to cut and sew. I need lots of luck with this one.
Blessings

What's Up With This?

Okay, this is wierd. Now my left eye is sore, swollen and oozing. I trimmed hedges yesterday and I am pretty sure this time there really is something in my eye. Using Visine to try to wash it out. I know if I go to the doctor again they'll think I'm just needing attention. For a woman who has almost never had a cold and not for longer than a day and someone who has gone as long as 15 years without having to go to the doctor, it does seem like I'm trying to make up for it now. This really makes me wonder if the chemo hasn't weakened my body so much I can't even fight a little foreign matter under my eyelid. I guess I can't blame everything on chemo but it's such any easy target. Shame on me!
Blessings

Life's Little Inconviences

Last Thursday I had to go to the doctor because I had something wrong with my eye. It was very sore and oozing so, after a week I decided to go to the doctor. It turned out to be a sore under my eyelid. I asked the doctor what caused it and he said "just luck". I would almost think it was a piece of dirt from the day the winds were so high but it was obviously gone and an infection presisted. Okay, just my luck. I have never been able to put eyedrops in my own eyes so Serenity was my nurse for the three days I had to put antibotics in my eye. For someone who never "use" to have any problems or medical worries....oh well, compared to the "C" word this is just a minor inconvience. Still counting my blessings.

Spring At Last?

I think spring is finally here! Serenity and I went for a short walk downtown (in a small town it's never a long walk). We weeded what use to be my flower beds. There have been few flowers for the last few years. Last year they never even got weeded. I have a good excuse but it was really a sad sight. The saddest thing is that flowers really pick me up, so I'm thinking I need to make the effort to do much better this year. Serenity is always excited about planting anything. She touched her first worm and decided that they are still gross even if they won't hurt you. Her mother freaks at the sight of a worm (or any bug) so I was proud of her for making the effort. She did use a stick for transportation and started her own worm colony. It's suppose to be 80 by next weekend. Is it just me or is anyone else wondering what happened to spring and fall. It seems like each year it gets closer from cold to hot and hot to cold. That great prefect temp just doesn't seem to last long enough.

I didn't have Serenity last weekend and I missed her very much. I don't even try to finish a post when she's here but I always seem to have plenty to say after she's been here. Quite often I ask Serenity "who loves Grandma?" She always pipes up with "ME". Today I asked her and she said "you'd think you'd know that by now!" Guess she told me. I better enjoy her while I have the chance. She's growing up way too fast. I couldn't think of my life without Miss Serenity.

The Power of Love

"In this world we cannot always do great things, but we can do small things with great love."
Mother Theresa

Martha or Maxine

From: Are you a Martha or Maxine?

Martha's Way.....
"Stuff a minature marshmallow in the bottom of a sugar cone to prevent ice cream drips."

Maxine's Way.....
"Just suck the ice cream out of the bottom of the cone, for Pete's sake! You are probably lying on the couch with your feet up eating it, anyway!"

Blessings

Strength

"There are two ways of exerting one's strength, one is pushing down, the other is pulling up"
Booker T. Washington

Success

"Failure is the opportunity to begin again, with more intelligence"
Henry Ford

The Power of Positive Thinking?

Today I had my 8 week check up at the Cancer Center in Grand Island. Most of my lab work indicated my counts were back to normal. My CA125 had raised 13 points from two months ago but that was only 1 point above 4 months ago. A count of 65 is elevated but not extreme. In stage IV cancer I've heard of counts in the 400's.

I appreciate everyone's prayers and kind words. All your positive thoughts can do nothing but help me continue to maintain and get better. Miracles do happen and silly or not, I'm planning on being one (with God's help, of course). There is nothing like the support and love of family and friends to make the journey easier and worthwhile.

There is no way to properly thank the wonderful Doctor's and alternative health care professionals who have helped me (and continue to help me) in this journey. A simple thank you just doesn't seem like enough. Right now it is all I have so, Thank You to Dr. Porman, Dr. Lilli Link, Susan Neva, Mary Martin, Jeff Goodman and yes, even the St. Francis Cancer Center. I would be remiss if I didn't mention the other places that I have received help from. That would be the many DVD's and books I have been able to access in my journey. The words of Dr. Andrew Weil, Dr. Wayne W. Dyer, Louise Hay, Napoleon Hill, Eckhart Tolle and Esther and Jerry Hicks, just to name a few. Life is a wonderful journey when we stay on the path!

When I get through this I promise to "pass it on" so people know it is possible. We constantly hear about the person who made it through a terminal diagnosis but we never know who that person is. It's like a great urban legend. We all heard about it, but no one really knows the person. It was always someone that someone I know knows or read about. I want people to be able to tell the story and say it was me. This may seem selfish but remember, I have to take care of me to be there for you. Blessings to all.

Miss Sun and Miss Cloud

I didn't have Serenity last weekend because her mommy had the weekend off and they shared some quality time together. I missed her visit so when Jessica had to work late today, I volunteered to watch Serenity. I know there is nothing worse than a grandmother who brags endlessly about her grandchildren. I can't help it though. Sometimes she just astounds me and I feel the need to share it. Serenity loves to draw and make up stories and she's pretty inventive. She had started a story with the help of her mom and she asked me to help her finish it. Helping her simply means helping her with the spelling of words. She has her own ideas and doesn't desire any input. The last story she wrote was "About Flowers" and there were many pictures of flowers. Her nonsensically stories are always so sweet. It took me a minute to understand the premise behind this new story but, when I did I couldn't believe how a 5 year old thinks. Of course the story included pictures but here is the little story.....

Miss Sun and Miss Cloud decided to have a contest.
Miss Sun tried to make him take off his coat.
Miss Cloud tried to make him put on his coat
They both won and loss.

When I asked her who "him" was she said "the "person" grandma".
Do you get the story?
Blessings

The Little Things We Hold Dear

A little PS on yesterday's post.....One of my most prized possessions is a box set of The Trilogy. For those who don't know, this is J. R. R. Tolkien's The Lord of the Rings. I received this wonderful gift for my 25th birthday on September 18, 1976. Inside the books I wrote From: Tonya and Chris. Their wonderful Grandmother, "Mimi" (Pauline Dorrell), bought the books for the kids to give to me for my birthday. She was a thoughtful and considerate person who knew how much I enjoyed Tolkien and my paperbacks were pretty ratty. For many years this was probably the most valuable material item I owned. After my post yesterday, my son Chris emailed to remind me not to get rid of Tolkien. Parish the thought! The boxed set has been promised to him. I would never give Tolkien to Goodwill or sell him on the internet. He's much too valuable for that. Breath deep Chris....Tolkien will be yours some day. Yours, with love from your mother.
Blessings

Clearing The Way

Here I am in the middle of my first two projects.....cleaning up my email and going through my books. This "house cleaning" is going to be a much bigger job than I anticipated. For someone who hasn't had time to read for years...I have certainly read a lot. Unfortunately, I don't even remember most of them. That's the big problem with "rush" reading....in and out. I find that I could read each of these books again. Of course the problem is, (since chemo) I would get half way through and then I would remember the book. I have many new books on my list to read so I need to move on. My quest for more knowledge is great. I need to reduce my library as much as I need to reduce my emails. I find books are such a treasure and so hard to part with. I need to live on an estate with a library so I could hold on to these treasures. Since I don't, I'll donate these treasures for the next person to enjoy as much as I did. I better stop writing and get on the ball. Wish me luck.....I think I'm going to need it.
Blessings

Second Chances....

Yesterday was my last official day at the Chamber. I felt a little sadness but it didn't last for long. I have lots of things I am looking forward to doing. I need a good mental house cleaning and my house needs a good house cleaning. After that I am "itching to do some stitching". I am excited to start some quilting. I've had several cut out for a few years but never seemed to find the time or energy to get them done. No more excuses. It's time to get on with it. My list of books to read keeps growing and growing and I am excited to get in some more quality reading time. I have so much more to learn and can't wait. Traveling is of course, always on my mind.........I truly feel like God has given me a new life and a second chance to live it right.
Blessings

Funny Sunny Days

Winter is not quite over but spring is here. One day it is 60 and the next it's snowing. Most days have still been sunny and that is the important thing. The sun always makes things feel warmer and happier. These are "funny" sunny days. I will be thankful for each new day.
Blessings abound!