Thank You Cancer

In October of 2008 my daughter Tonya arranged some alternative treatment with Dr. Jon Porman in Arizona. Dr. Porman has done laser therapy, some water treatment, some body shaking thing and Body Talk on me. One of the first things Dr. P asked me to do was to write a thank you letter to cancer. For about 15 seconds I thought he was crazy...but then I knew where he was going. I had already had the thought that if I didn't have this "blessing" I wouldn't have any of the time I was utilizing. It takes alot of time to read, research and implement all the things you need to do to heal yourself. Suddenly I was in charge of being the administrator of my insurance, in charge of my health care, in charge of finding all the answers that doctors don't know, don't want to tell you or don't have the time to tell you and a hundred other things. Time was about to become my friend.

This was my letter:















Thank you cancer for giving me the time to:
rethink my life
realize how many things are trivial (no need to worry)
start getting organized
enjoy a long needed vacation
get out of the work-a-holic life I was in
learn more about the law of attraction
meet Dr. Porman & Jeff Goodman

Thank you cancer for allowing me to:
learn forgiveness
let go of my bitterness
see who my friends are
realign my priories
get away from an unpleasant job
get away from unpleasant co-workers
stop giving away my valuable time
re-evaluate my worth as a person (myself & others)
better appreciate time with my family

Next Dr. P asked me to realize the purpose of my life:
I believe my purpose:
is to live life to the fullest
to honor myself and God
to absorb and share knowledge

Of course there are days when I have to remind myself to be thankful but most days I don't have a problem....I am thankful for still being here and constantly having new experiences. I look forward to tomorrow and all the new things to come. I am thankful for family, true friends and people like Dr. Porman. I always thought we each have a porpose. We wait for God to show it to us and it was there all the time. We just didn't see it so God has to open our eyes to it. Blessings!

The Bigger Picture

On Wednesday I went to a funeral. I was pretty down because someone I use to work with had passed away from cancer. Bruce had a patch of cancer on his face (he had this once before) and they took it off. This was sometime after I had been diagnosed. It wasn't healing properly. It had spread but wasn't considered serious. I last saw him after Thanksgiving and he said they were talking about doing chemo. I was a little confussed that Bruce was gone and I'm still here. The really sad part is that he was 58 but he left an eleven year old set of twins without a father. Bruce only had one kidney and chemo does a job on kidneys and the liver. So his kidney shut down and dialysis didn't help. His family will be in my prayers and Bruce will be with God.

Doctors & Diagnosis

I am just learning this computer-blogging etc. stuff. It just occurred to me that I should explain my situation to anyone who reads this and may not know me. In 2004 I was diagnosed with endometrial cancer. I had a complete hysterectomy and no further treatment. At first the worse problem I had was chronic constipation. I was slowly feeling better but after about six months I seemed to be not getting back to feeling like I thought I should. I'm not normally a complainer but I just knew my body was telling me something. After the normal tests, my doctor couldn't find anything wrong. This went on for 3 1/2 years. I resigned myself to the fact that it was either in my head or normal. I had to remember I was "getting older".

In January of 2008 I had an abnormal pap (I believe they called it something else). Guess what-yes, the C word again (actually "still" not again). By March it was determined that it was the same cancer. Cells left behind in the scar tissue they determined. Of course, by now it had spread and the news was not good. I had a tumor the size of a golf ball at the original incision site and it had spread to the pelvic area, vagina and liver. Endometrial cancer is not treatable in the liver. I have always had a thirst for knowledge but, I was on the road to learning more things than I ever wanted to know. The local oncologist hoped the liver cancer was a different cancer. He was very hopeful that I could have radiation therapy and chemo and lick it. The key was what type of cancer I had in the liver. They even tattooed me for radiation and the day I was supposed to start treatment they called me with the news that it was the same cancer and wasn't treatable with radiation. A week later I started chemo therapy. That's an experience I wouldn't wish on the devil. I'm sure I'll talk more about this later. I think the worse part was as nice as everyone was, they acted like it was my fault that the chemo made me so sick. One nurse finally told me that 7 hours of 3 of the strongest chemo medicines they give was bound to make me sick. Most of the relief I got was by figuring things out for myself. Throwing up was the worse part of being sick. I knew it was because of mucous. Later when I was researching alternative treatments on the internet I discovered what this was all about. It was from the chemo drugs. Doesn't it seem like the doctor would tell you that instead of acting like they don't know what the problem is and asking you what "you're" doing. I was on drugs to stop the puking but it wasn't working. The only thing they told me to do was take Mucinex. This just thickened the mucous and made it worse. The other thing I couldn't believe was as I got sicker they kept asking if I was dehydrated. This is my thought....If I'm puking more than I'm putting in I am probably dehydrated. They are the medical professionals. Shouldn't they tell me I'm dehydrated?

My biggest concern is with well meaning doctors leaving you with no hope. I believe in honesty but whatever happened to hope. It's hard to listen to your doctor tell you "you will die from this", you are going to "die from this" and there is no cure for you. Of course, he also told me he could get me as much as 2 1/2 years if I continue taking chemo. Gee, that sounds enticing.
Anyway, I don't like complaining...and this was plenty of that. Just to give you some highlights so you know where I'm coming from.

If you've read this far...you are a trooper! Hope it wasn't too boring. More to come.

To Forgive is Devine

Today was another day of learning. I just watched Marianne Williamson's Everyday Grace and also, The Power of Forgiveness. I do believe in miracles but I have to tell you, I never thought I could be my own angel....I better get busy because I have a lot of work to do there. The forgiveness thing I have done alot of work on. I have always believed I was fairly forgiving. I first became aware of the "power" of forgiveness after an Alanon meeting. It was the last meeting I attended when the person leading the meeting told us we had to forgive. I had been going to the meetings for months with a friend. This was the first time I really spoke up and I told her I might forgive for myself but never the injustice done to my children. She said I had to and I told her what I thought of that. At that time I didn't realize that forgiving didn't mean I was saying it was alright. I have come to understand that it isn't about it being alright. It's truly about getting rid of hate and all the negative energy that puts a burden on our souls. About a month later I was glancing at an article in the Salvation Army newsletter my boss had received at Christmas time. I think a higher power was sending me a message. That article was about forgiveness. It allowed me to understand the true meaning. I kept that article to remind me of the "power" of forgiveness. It has helped me through a few tough times.

Remission or Miracle?

Yesterday was a very exciting day for me. My CA125 count had been doubling each time I have gone to the doctor since chemo. Yesterday my count had gone down to 52.2 and the visit before it was 61.4. Needless to say, this was happy, happy news. It gives me great hope.

I think the doctor was more than a little surprised. She asked me what I had been doing and told me to keep it up. It isn't so much what I've been doing as much as what others have done for me. Thank God for my wonderful daughter Tonya and her sweet husband Steve for putting up with me and giving me hope. Thank God also for Dr. Porman and the alternative treatments but especially the warmth, care and beautiful smiles he shares with everyone. Thanks to all those I hold dear to my heart for the encouragement and the "power of positive thinking". I feel very blessed.

While at the doctor's office I was asking questions about my cancer. While the doctor was looking up information in my file I was looking over her shoulder. The first line of the report in my file said "Patient is a very pleasant 57 year old lady". I know this is a little detail but it made me feel very good to realize someone took the time to see that I was pleasant and I am a lady. I guess I was surprised it didn't just say 57 year old woman. I am very thankful it didn't say "grouchy old bitch". This was a reminder to me to treat people the way I would want to be treated.

Yesterday was a day that will give me many good days ahead when I think back on it.