First Born

It's 1:37PM on the east coast. In about one hour it will be 39 years ago today that my first child was born. Tonya Marie Williams came into this world on December 7, 1970 at 2:39PM at the Havre de Grace Memorial Hospital in Havre de Grace, Maryland. She weighed in at 8lbs. 9 1/2oz. and was 19" long. Just like in my favorite movie, Gone With The Wind, I "didn't know nothin' 'bout birthin' no babies!" The nurse asked about water breaking and I had no idea what she was talking about (partly because it didn't break). She wanted to know if my mother had told me anything about having babies and what to expect. She looked at me like I was crazy when I told her my mother never had a baby. She stormed off muttering something about babies having babies. This comment confused me as I was 19 years old and I'm pretty sure I knew everything. Who was she calling a baby.

Tonya was born with blue eyes and blond hair. The eyes confused me and the doctor explained that most babies are born with blue eyes and they change later. Boy, I was learning something new each hour. Nothing like learning as you go. But then experience is the best teacher.

This baby had the prettiest dimples and the fattest little cheeks. You know, Grandma (or old aunt) pinching cheeks. My friend Willma called her chipmunk cheeks. She thought this was very funny (sorry that this comes out after all these years). I knew she meant it fondly but...as a new mother, I can guarantee you that I found no humor in it. New mothers (especially first time mothers) are very protective of their young...you know, like a lioness with her cub. The claws can come out at the first sign you're going where you have no business. Of course I was a domesticated animal so I was civilized and I'm sure I laughed along. I have a friend (Sandy) from Texas who always said "Liz, you wouldn't say s_ _ t if you had a mouth full"!

Wasn't this the most beautiful, perfect baby ever born? Of course she was. Just ask me and I would have told you this. She was a good child and only slightly multiplied her mothers OCD. Everyone always said Tonya was the most like me of my three children. If she is your friend, nobody would stick with you through thick and thin like she would. By five she was fashion conscience and the best bargain shopper you would ever meet. I made a lot of her clothes and at a young age she had the artistic touch. She liked to pick patterns and match fabrics etc. Tonya is a person with great integrity , grace and beauty. I am very proud of her.

Oh, and I have to add that she has this wonderful husband who actually bought her birthday presents and even wrapped them himself (of course she deserves a man like this). I must say though that I was very impressed.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TONYA

For her brother, Chris and sister, Jessica, don't laugh too hard about "chipmunk cheeks". You will both have birthdays before Tonya has another one and I have "stories" for each of you.

Just like my friend Rosemary tells her children, you are each my favorite.

To scan or not to scan, that is the question

Today I was thinking about how confusing life can be. The more I read the more I research, the more confused I become. I have a PT scan scheduled for Tuesday and while I feel like I don't want to put more "poison" in my body I am truly curious to see the results. There are those people who advice to only use natural treatments and those who advice to use the conventional treatments and lately I've been exposed to those who believe in using both natural and conventional treatments in harmony. Just when I think I have all the answers I'm back at square one. You know, that fork in the road. Sometimes this is okay but at other times I don't know if I trust myself to make the right turn. For someone pretty head-strong and set in her ways I seem to waver more and more. This couldn't have anything to do with all the "right" choices I've made throughout my life could it?

I am putting my trust in Jesus. If I wasn't meant to still be here I wouldn't be. There must be a plan for me. When it's time for me to be gone, I'll be gone. I have worked really hard on being ready for this. In the meantime I am wanting to make the most of the time I have left. Many days I feel guilty that I am wasting precious time. This time God has given me is valuable and I need to be using it wisely. I'll keep working on that also. As far as the other choices go, I know only I can make those decisions and I have to trust that I am following God's will.

Joel Osteen

Tonight Tonya took myself and several of her friends to see Joel Osteen (the smiling preacher). He was speaking at the Jobing.com arena in Glendale. I enjoy his Sunday morning sermons. He is always very positive and definitely preaches the law of attraction. Yes, I did rededicate my life to Christ. Actually, I had already made this decision privately. This was my public acknowledgement.

While I have always tried to live my life the way I thought God would want, I have always had a problem with "blind trust". Don't suppose that has anything to do with my childhood. I suppose a five year old child who thinks "anyone who is nice to you wants something, so stay away, don't trust them" might have some trust issues. It's the whole putting your faith in God to take care of things. If you felt like you grew up, only able to depend on yourself, it's hard to let go and expect someone else to take care of you. In AA and Alanon they say "let go and let God".

Thank goodness I was adopted by a family who taught me about God and what was wrong and right. We might have been torn between the Southern Baptist and the Catholic Church but obviously we got quite the religious coverage.

I use to say I thought I would go to heaven. I can tell you now that I am going to heaven. This is something I have no doubt about and because of this, I have no fear of dying. I am looking forward to my reward in heaven.

Thank you to the Osteen family for their faith and for sharing and spreading it with others.

I will confess that after the program was over I did say a small prayer to God to protect them and not let the "woes" of so many public figures befall them. No, I was not being negative. I was just trying to cover all the bases. Turns out Tonya and I were thinking the same thing.